Liliosa, My Cousin

April 30, 2010


About 3 weeks ago, I was suddenly awakened in the middle of the night by the ringing of my cell phone that was charging on the other side of the room. I was alone at the time because Cris left that afternoon to visit his brother in Texas. The room was partially dark and the only light was coming from the night light in the nearby bathroom. The red light in the clock sitting on top of the TV said it was 3:05 AM. I closed my eyes, pulled the covers over my head and ignored the phone that continued to ring. I wanted to get up to answer it thinking it could be an emergency but I was held back by the thought that it might be from the Philippines and that somebody was calling because a relative, possibly my Tia Mete who had not been doing well, had passed away. My fear of ghosts, that was almost legendary and had been a usual subject of jokes and ridicules directed toward me by members of my family, suddenly returned. I had been in a much better state and thought I could handle being alone with no problem but the thought that a relative had died and could have been the subject of that unholy-hour phone call almost rendered me immobile. I knew the call would not be from a member of my immediate family because my children would use the landline knowing I was home. Finally, the ringing of the phone stopped, but sleep would not return. I kept the covers over my head but it was getting rather warm so I pulled it down to my neck yet kept my eyes closed.

I probably finally dozed off because I was startled again by another ringing tone. It was shortly after 4:00 AM when I glanced at the clock. Again, I ignored the call but was totally unable to sleep after that. I tried to stay in one position feigning sleep to no one but the ghost inside my head. Each time I turned when I get really tired staying in one position, I was almost sure I would feel a cold touch from a spectral hand. My imagination continued to run wild which pushed away any chance to go back to sleep. I could hear every little creak, every faint sound, and was convinced a ghostly presence was standing next to my bed waiting for me to open my eyes to present itself. After what seemed to be an eternity and with my extremities stiff from self-imposed immobility, I could tell dawn had arrived as a faint light filtered through the glass door of our bedroom leading to the back patio.
I was ready to completely open my eyes feeling safer from ghostly apparitions which, I believed, abhor the light, when my cell phone rang for the third time.

Now that my fear had dissipated, I was feeling slightly miffed because of the constant intrusion to my rest of whoever it was on the other line. With a mixture of uneasy anxiety and nervous anticipation, I quickly got out of bed forgetting about the ghost that might still be lurking in a dark corner. I grabbed the phone, took it off the charger, and opened it. The phone number was unfamiliar but I could hear some voices in the background. I said, “Hello”, but had to repeat it three times before I got a clear response. It was a male voice who asked for “Tita Norma”. When I identified myself, he said his mom wanted to talk to me and a second later, a female voice came on the line. It was my cousin Liliosa!

I hadn’t heard from her since I visited the Philippines almost a year ago which broke the non-communication of nineteen years. There were occasional news about each other that were sent through my sisters who called or wrote me every so often, but that was all. It was not out of lack of interest on my part, nor on hers, I was sure, but we were living in the opposite sides of the world leading two different lives, that the seemingly ordinary and insignificant phone call just to say hello did not fit into our days. If we factored in the cost of a long-distance communication, which did not really come cheap, then calling just to chat would seem almost a luxury. I wasn’t sure what prompted her to call. I knew it wasn’t a somebody-died call because I did not sense a somber tone from her or her son. We chatted excitedly and after the usual preliminaries, I asked her why she called. She just said laughingly that I wasn’t calling her so she decided to call me.
She called me three days in a row around the same wee morning hours, just to catch up on things. It was rather unusual and I was feeling kind of guilty that she was footing the long distance bill when I had more means to do so that I called her a couple of times after that. We had uneventful conversations, just a gist of day-to-day things punctuated by her trademark jokes. But it was nice to be able to reconnect with my cousin and childhood friend through the wonders of technology. Such event earned from me a thumbs up mark to the technocrat gurus and nerds that made it possible.

As children, Liliosa and I shared a common bond that our love/hate relationship was unable to sever. As the oldest child of the oldest sibling of her father, I have an edge because I was “Ate”, a title of respect given to an older sister or cousin. She was two years my senior but we started school at the same time. At seven years old, the legitimate starting age, she entered the public school while I went to the catholic school just across the street. My mother, knowing that I would not be admitted anywhere unless she padded my age, registered me as a seven year old and made excuses why she did not bring my birth certificate. I wasn’t sure if starting school at that age was hers or my father’s idea. I just remembered I was so anxious to go to school and could not be deterred. So while all the children in our neighborhood, including Liliosa, went to the public school, I went to Mt. Carmel Academy and was in a class with a group of town kids I did not know (I was from the barrio). My anxiety due to the lack of a familiar face in an unfamilar environment soon became a problem. I had five-year old crying spells in a class of seven-year old little town snobs who eventually nicknamed me “Luha” (Tears). Some children would taunt me and I specifically remembered a smart mouthed boy named “Manuel” who was a doctor’s son and who started the nickname. The kind nuns would usually take me by the hand, bring me out of class, and take me to the convent upstairs where they lived. The mornings were harder. Despite my initial interest to go to school, it soon became evident that I wasn’t emotionally ready. I attended that school for a month but every day was a struggle because I always wanted somebody to go with me. My maternal grandmother (Nanay), my half sister (Ate Ely), and my mother would take turns each morning to bring me to school but I would refuse to be left alone. I wanted whoever brought me there to stay with me until the school was over. One time,I remembered Nanay told me she was so hungry because it was past lunch time and she hadn’t eaten yet so I reluctantly let her go. At another time, Ate Ely was so upset with me that she hit my hand with her umbrella because I was just clinging to her and would not let go. Despite my tantrums and crying spells, within a month, I had been successfully initiated on the basic doctrines of the Catholic faith through the catechism classes, confession, and my first communion.

How did my cousin Liliosa fit into all these?  When nobody could wait for me or pick me up after school, she was instructed to come to my school and wait for me.  I remembered one particular day when for some reason her class was dismissed early so when she came to pick me up, our class was still in session.  She could not go in the classroom so she went to the side of the building where there was a window close to the side where I was sitting.  The window was open but there were iron bars which were typical in buildings of the time.  She stood outside the window, called my name, and said we had to go.  I told her I still could not go and had to wait for the bell.  I was probably 2 seats away from the window so our conversation had to be a little loud so we could hear each other.  The class was still going on so the other children started looking in our direction as we continued talking.  When she said she had to go, I started crying and said,  "No, wait for me; wait for me!"  Then she startted crying too while standing on the other side of the window and said, "But I want to go now".  Pretty soon, the whole class was listening and some of the kids were laughing at our exchange.  Our teacher came over to ask what was going on and as I was tearfully explaining to her that my cousin was going to leave me, the bell rang and the class was dismissed.

That was one of those hilarious memories of my childhood involving Liliosa.  As we were practically with each other every day as kids, we were as close as sisters but that was not to say we always got along.  We would fight and make up and would fight and make up.  We would not be on speaking terms in the morning because of some silly, childish things, then we would be laughing and playing with each other in the afternoon.  Partners in crime, we were,  on many occasions.  But that would be the subject of another post.  For now, I'm just grateful for that opportunity to reconnect with my cousin and reminisce on a childhood memory from another world,  from a distant, almost-forgotten time.